You Can Tell All Cyclists Are on Drugs...

...because you'd have to be on some seriously heavy crack to want to cycle up the Pyrenees. I caught the end of Stage 14 of the Tour de France today and I got tired watching it, never mind actually doing it.

Cyclists show intense physical ability and mental fortitude, because you just know that they wanted to get off their bike and twat the slightly-too-close-and-intense crowd.

Hip Hop Hubris: 'Forever' by Drake et al

Last name: Ever
First name: Greatest
Like a sprained ankle
Boy, I ain't nothin' to play with
-Drake, 'Forever'

Hmmm. Last name: Ever and first name: Greatest. Well, that makes the name... Greatest Ever. Now, Drake, I don't think that's actually your real name, not when Wikipedia tells me that it's actually Aubrey Drake Graham. So if that's not your actual name, I assume that you're using it as some kind of braggadocio for something. But what?

Greatest Ever Drake? Sorry son, but I'm pretty sure that title belongs to Sir Francis.

Greatest ever MC? Well, that's a very bold claim. Three MCs I would consider his superior off the top of my head would be Kanye West, L'il Wayne and Eminem... totally coincidentally, the three guest stars on this  track.

Well, I've run out of ideas. Maybe he makes a mean chilli.

Of course, it's interesting this video is make in conjunction with brand LeBron (this song was on the soundtrack to More Than a Game, the documentary about LeBron's last high-school season). There's a lot of posturing by the two of them, a lot of needing to be constantly reminded by their support groups about how awesome they are. LeBron and Drake are totally friends, by the way.

(In the interests of fairness, Drake is totally right about sprained ankles. You definitely don't want to play on one of those. Take it from the guy who sprained his ankle and thought it would be okay to go out that same night if he shoved a bag of ice down his sock. Not my smartest move).

The Competitive Art

Yesterday, the great Darren Lockyer played in his last State of Origin game for Queensland. It being a momentous occasion worth celebrating, Channel 9 decided to pull out all the stops with its opening cinematic. In it, we got to see Darren at his old family home in Roma, Queensland, and get told about his idyllic youth that shaped one of the greatest rugby league players of all time. To the ongoing strains of Muse’s ‘Exogenesis Symphony Part 2” (a favourite of the NRL on Channel 9), Darren revealed to us just how special his childhood had been:

“Cricket in the summer, Rugby League in the winter, Squash, Basketball, Motorbikes and Crayfishing. Not once did we sit in the house playing computer games.”

I rolled my eyes so far back at this that I was practically looking back into my sockets. Really, Darren? I suppose the fact that Lockyer is one of the finest players of all time is no doubt down to the fact that he never played Street Fighter II with his brothers. It was such a pointless and unnecessary remark in a celebratory piece that stuck out like a neon signal of negativity. Now I know Australia doesn’t have the most enlightened attitude towards video games anyway, but even so it struck me as so… unnecessary.

Haye vs Klitcshko, Boxing and Bloodlust

Last night, Wladimir Klitcshko beat David Haye in a Boxing bout to unify the World Titles. Although there's been a lot of poo-pooing of the fight, I didn't think it was that bad. Wlad actually had to try for once, and it was nowhere near the debacle that Haye's previous fight with Audley Harrison was. However, it definitely left a sour taste in the mouth, and it's because the two fighters did so much trash-talking beforehand and instead of trying to kill each other, they settled for trying to outmanoeuvre each other with only limited success. After promising to deliver Boxing's grandest statement, the knockout, they both settled into trying to tag the other with limited power. Both fights forsook violence for victory, trading the ultimate glory for the consolation prize.

People often complain about Boxing being a barbaric sport, and wonder how it can be still considered a form of entertainment in this day and age to watch two men essentially try and kill each other. Aren't we supposed to be beyond that, as a species? There are many counter arguments to be made, such as Boxers being about as fine athletes as you can find, and the skills required being immense, and that it is perfectly possible to enjoy boxing on a tactical, skill level. There's some truth to this, but as last night showed, violence is a such massive part of Boxing's fabric that its absence becomes more upsetting than its presence.

The fact of the matter is that when people watch Boxing, they do want to see someone get hurt. As much as one plays up the tactical elements of the sport, or the appreciation of the skills and strategy on offer, it requires that bloodlust to fuel it. In many respects, combat sports are as pure as sport gets - just two men pitting their physical and mental selves against each other in a controlled environment (the controlled conditions of Boxing being the fine line that truly separates it from a street fight). Whilst it is perfectly possible to appreciate Boxing on a tactical, intellectual level, what makes it so compelling is that this chess match of the fists has to be played on the board of primal bloodthirst with the high-stakes currency of human well-being. It's what makes the sport such a high-pressure spectacle. It's no coincidence that at the highest level Boxers receive such insane paydays - they are effectively putting their lives on the line to deliver a spectacle for the masses. As a spectator sport, Boxing relies both on the human urge to see violence and also on the human fear of receiving violence. There's definitely an unedifying, morbid cloud that hangs over the sport of Boxing, but it is this very real sense of danger that makes it so compelling, and removing it takes away the element of fear and worry that it is intrinsically reliant on.